Life in recovery: people with substance use disorder share their stories for National Addictions Awareness Week

By: Sam Franks

BELLEVILLE – On the phone her voice is calm and comfortable, as she reflects on her painful past. 

“I never thought this would happen,” Jessica says. She is talking about recovery. 

Jessica is not her real name. She is one of two people dealing with addiction that QNet News spoke with to mark  National Addictions Awareness Week. QNet News agreed to use pseudonyms to protect their identities. 

Getting to recovery was a long road however. Jessica was a teenager when she was diagnosed with a mental disorder. She was already drinking heavily at the time. 

“I don’t even know what I got diagnosed with. I got put on medication, though. I remember this very well, me not wanting to be on the medication because I could not drink while I was on it. So, at 15 years-old, I say that’s pretty alarming and I didn’t even consider it to be alarming. I was definitely addicted to alcohol. I think that was a big catalyst for a lot of my other drug use,” she said.

According to the Canadian Mental Health Association, one in five Canadians live with a mental illness.

People who live with mental illnesses are twice as likely to use substances compared to those who don’t.

People with substance use disorder are three times as likely to develop a mental illness.

People aged between the ages of 15 and 24 are more likely to experience mental illness or substance use disorder, according to the Mental Health Association.

She explained that she was 75-pounds and on nine medications a day, drinking and ended up overdosing.

“I started having to take medication like I realized that was a must. And then I still wasn’t willing to quit drinking,” she said.

“I was in inpatient in Toronto, and then I came home and did family-based therapy. So I was, like, partially recovered, and my weight was somewhat restored. But fast forward a few years, my eating disorder turned into drunkorexia. I was still starving myself, but getting blackout drunk abusing benzos. Benzos turned into alcohol or cocaine and Percocet’s. Alcohol and a cocktail of medication or a bit of blow was enough, until it wasn’t. This is when I met my true devil, crystal meth.”

Drunkorexia is a slang term that refers to starving the body to reduce caloric intake while consuming alcohol.

A report from the Canadian Centre on Substance Use and Addiction states 795 out of 855 survey participants reported using alcohol while in active addiction.

Jessica said that whenever she was drunk she typically did other drugs and contributed to when she’d self harm. 

“I definitely destroyed my life from it, honestly,” she said.

Jessica said that her life went downhill when her partner got arrested and she became homeless.

She said during this time, she was living in an uncomfortable situation that went sour and never went back. Her partner was on the path to recovery so she wanted to be too.

She said she is grateful for her family as they were her support system.

“I wouldn’t have even gone to CMHA to make those calls if I didn’t go home and get better first,”

“It was easy for me to get sober. It wasn’t easy for me to stay sober,” she said. 

Jessica has been seeing a therapist regularly and says the emotional coping skills she has learned help her recovery. 

She is empathetic towards people who struggle with substance use. She said everyone’s situation is different and not everyone has the family or support systems to turn to. 

Lynn is another woman on the road to recovery who didn’t have a support system. Again, Lynn is not her real first name. 

She said that she was first introduced to cocaine at age 16, by her, at that time, 24-year-old boyfriend.

“Looking back, he definitely groomed me and exposed me to a lot of things that I probably shouldn’t have been,” Lynn said. 

People in her life knew about her relationship but not what happened behind closed doors. 

Lynn described the relationship as extremely abusive and the substance use didn’t help.

“I was a teenager, so I was still mentally developing, we fought a lot and it got really toxic,” she said. 

This went on in her life for two years.

“I just felt like I was like crazy. I felt like I was manic all the time, and I felt like it was really hard for me,” she said.

She remembers one night they got into a fight over drugs and he physically attacked her. She left the relationship but continued using cocaine.

“I started having the phase where I was going out with a lot of men, and I was putting myself into some really dangerous situations,” Lynn said.

Lynn said that one night she was given a different substance than her usual choice. 

“It was laced. I felt like I was having a heart attack. I was so scared. I thought I was going to die,” she said.

A report from Hastings Prince Edward Public Health says that Hastings Quinte Paramedic Services have received almost 300 opioid-related calls, last updated in September.

Lynn said after that incident she wanted to start recovering. 

She said when she wasn’t using substances, she tried to take her own life.

“When I was doing cocaine, I didn’t feel suicidal. But after, when I was experiencing withdrawal symptoms that’s when it happened,”

In 2018, suicide accounted for nearly a quarter of deaths in peoples ages between 20 and 24, according to the mental health association.

Lynn said her road to recovery hasn’t been easy but found better supports in adulthood. 

The Hastings Prince Edward Addictions and Mental Health Services reports 20,000 more visits than last year.  

Director of Clinical Services, Mary LaBine, acknowledges that more people are struggling over the past few years but the services in Belleville are becoming busier. 

“We’re making progress towards reducing stigma, and that people are more comfortable, and we’re eliminating barriers to accessing services,” LaBine said. 

LaBine said that one of the biggest barriers she’s noticed is people not knowing where to access treatments or afraid of feeling judged. 

The theme of National Addictions Awareness Week is forging connections. 

“The idea being that we could shed light on the realities of addictions and break down the barriers and stigmas to build bridges to understanding, support and compassion,” LaBine said. 

The Canadian Mental Health Association’s campaign this year is Someone’s Someone. 

“It’s to remind people that every person facing addiction is somebody’s friend, sibling, parent, or loved one,”

Video from group project last year on the Bridge St. Drop-In. Editing and filming credits to Jacob Dunlop. 

If you are in crisis call the Crisis Intervention Centre at 613-969-7400 ext. 12753. Call or text 9-8-8 for Suicide Crisis Helpline. ConnexOntario is available 24-hours a day for mental illness and addictions help, toll-free 1-866-531-2600.