‘All I could think about was this is how I was going to die’
BELLEVILLE – A Loyalist College student knows the consequences of being in an aggressive relationship.
She was introduced to him at the age of 14, in her first year of high school. He was in his last year. He had a nonchalant bad-boy attitude which made her fall faster than she expected, she says.
“So we started dating and my parents hated him. And I got lectured from 7:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m. about my life choices and what I was doing with my life. It got so bad that after the two-year mark they kicked me out of the house and I had to move in with him and his grandparents.”
She was beaten, bruised, kicked, verbally abused and cyber-bullied.
“He would tell me that I wouldn’t need to eat anything that day and he wouldn’t let me eat supper with his family, (that) I would just be too fat. And he would be cheating on me all the time, basically just make me feel awful about myself 24/7.”
She was constantly haunted by suicidal thoughts, she says. Swallowing seven of her anti-depression pills led to a lengthy hospital stay, and being put on suicide watch.
The physical abuse was constant, she says.
“There are days where he would hit me and it would be, ‘Whatever.’ But I can remember three times where it was really bad.”
One night while they were staying at his mother’s home, he stole her car and disappeared. When she confronted him, he put her in a headlock and repeatedly punched her in the face while choking her . When she could barely move but was still conscious he dragged her by the hair to a coffee table and began repeatedly banging her head against it.
“All I could think about is this is how I was going to die. I wasn’t even scared at that point. It was just like, ‘I’m going to die.’ ”
Finally he left her alone. She was sobbing and covered in blood.
“I couldn’t move. I was in too much pain. I was too scared to go anywhere. I was just left there by myself.”
Terrified for her life, she stayed in the same position for an hour and a half. No one came to help. The only thought that consumed her mind was whether he would return to finish the job, or apologize.
“I was alone until his mom walked in and said, ‘Don’t worry, honey – next time you’ll know how to fight back.” That was the worst thing I ever heard in my life. How could you tell an 18-year-old girl that when you should be telling her to run – run as far and as fast as you can.”
While she was away from home for a volleyball tournament, the abuse continued. He called her hotel room throughout the night to accuse her of cheating, she says. When she refused to answer and tried to get some sleep, she woke up to a nude picture of herself all over Facebook and 80 per cent of her clothes torched. After 24 hours, the picture was finally taken down.
This was her breaking point. Thanks to support from her volleyball coach and family, she finally got up the courage to call the police. She thought it would all be over, that she was free from ever seeing him again, free to finally live a normal, happy life. When it really was just repeating itself.
He was charged with three counts of assault and child pornography.
She spent countless hours in court defending herself, trying to explain to a group a strangers about how she almost lost her life.
Her family is now back in her life and supportive, and she is surrounded by loving friends and family members. But she still has nightmares almost every night, she says.
“People might say that I was stupid for staying, but what they don’t understand is that I loved him and for basically four years he is all I had. I couldn’t handle being alone, I didn’t want to be alone.”
If anyone you know is in a abusive relationship and needs out visit the Sexual Assault Care Centre or call police.
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